25 Things About Me

1. I would have loved to be a famous actress or a singer. But I settled for phsychology.

2. I know im meant to write a book someday. About spirituality, self-help or fantasy/romance... or all 3 in one.

3. I once had my navel pierced. Had it done 2 times... but grew tired of it.

4. I have a crush on Dave Grohl. He's sexy jejeje!

5. I have 3 tattoos and plan on getting more... most likely a full backpiece, the missing blue rose on my shoulder, and my right leg candy piece.

6. I hate smokers except for my mother.

7. I love rock n roll... all kinds of it. I hate reggaeton... all kinds of it.

8. Im not the girl you see in a pub or a crazy party. Id rather go to the movies, listen to music, read, write, and oh yeah, a little thing called WORK!

9. I've never been drunk and I don't drink at all... no im not a freak, im just not into it. Sorry.

10. I like sexology and I plan to study sexual relations and behavior. That does not make me a nymphomaniac.

11. Im opposed to all kinds of military, period.

12. I despise animal abuse and im working on a documentary about animal abuse in ponce. It will be posted in youtube once its done.

13. One of my dreams is to have a big family with 3 or 4 children. And I dream of being a wonderful and cool tattooed mommy.

14. I love big cars but old camaros, mustangs and chevys drive me orgasmically insane!

15. I want to own a harley davidson one day.

16. I would love to meet jim carrey, jack black, rob pattinson, anne rice, stephenie meyer, gwen stefani, kat von d and bam margera... among others.

17. I think bettie page is better than marilyn monroe and cindy lauper is better than madonna ANYDAY!!!

18. Id love to become a vegetarian soon... and im trying really hard.

19. If I could be any mythical creature, id be a vampire, my second choice would have to be a mermaid.

20. I cry everytime I see the disney presentation at the beggining of a movie cuz I wanna go to disney world sooooo bad!!!

21. I never wear heels and id like to. They damage my feet everytime. Sometimes I think im a tomboy.

22. I used to like fairies and now I think they suck.

23. If you give me a jar of nutella you'll have my heart forever!

24. Im working on a series of digital projects and paintings to make them into posters and sell them.

25. I hate math and chemistry and Im not good with money.

Turning Point - Facebook note (May 26, 2009)

Today I saw the light. It came right to my face and said: "Delly, wake up!" I opened my eyes and with blurry vision it all came before me! Spread out like a map on a table, I felt it like hot coffee burning my tongue, like hitting your elbow on a hard surface. The truth.

The truth is friends are irrelative.
I can call you my friend, but right after you'd be talking behind my back.
I've had THAT all my life...
The truth is I really have very little true friends, and eveyday another one goes away... sad.

The truth is loyalty is over-rated.
The only loyal beings in this world, 100% are animals! Dogs mostly...
My dogs will always love me and they wont jugde me... sad.
The more I get to know people, the more I love my dogs!
The truth is that, sadly, the world is ruled by mindless beasts, humans.

The truth is time goes by quickly.
I wont have enough time to say Im sorry to the people I've hurt in my life.
They wont have time to say sorry to me, for making me cry and feel hopeless.
Time wont stop, it keeps running and second after second, Im older... sad.
The truth is that if time went back, I wouldn't regret most of my desicions.

The truth is that we are ALL fakes at some point...
You can fake friendships, feelings, even orgasms!
But you can't fake what you really are... sad.
Most of the time the TRUE COLORS of people show right on the outside.
If your soul is BLACK as HELL, it'll show...
If you are a good person, really, it'll show... and you don't have to prove yourself!

But, the beautiful thing about life is, there are always choices.
You can choose to be better than what you are, you can choose to have better friends, a better job, better clothes... you can always take it up a notch!
Today I have chosen to be honest.
Most people dont like honesty... the TRUTH hurts, like a tattoo, only worse... the truth wont go away as the pain of the tattoo goes away. It lingers.
Another good thing about life is that you dont have to put up to other peoples' BS!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't!
And I won!

I chose to speak up and defend myself today... and I learned that I was swimming in a pool of vicious, sick and venomous snakes!
I chose not to be afraid and right now, I'm better than ever!

For all the people who know me, for my true friends, I say thanks for loving me the way I am... with my flaws and good things...

And to finish this Id like to say that life has another good thing, among so many... I dont have to put up with FAKE people! Its my choice and I embrace it! My life will be great and I will be happy, for I know that with my imperfection comes sincerity and honesty and THAT is beautiful!

Automatic Writting II - Facebook note (Mar. 8, 2011)

I guess... yes, things get complicated from time to time. But why? Whats the need for it... whats the purpose? I know we must learn, but learning is also over-rated. Some people just do not learn, period. They keep making mistake after mistake... never letting go of the past... always preaching what they cant or chose not to practice with their own life.

Living in fear is a punishment, fear of love, fear of getting hurt, fear of change, fear of losing control... fear is designed to keep you from happiness. Im sick of living in fear! I refuse to be scared of what will happen... suffering is a part of life, no matter how much you try to control your surroundings, it will be there in some way of another... you might as well just go through that suffering with someone you care about.

Suffering hurts a bit less when you share your life with people... but then again... what if the people around you are not the "right" people? I think God makes no mistakes, and the situations in your life are meant to happen for a reason... analyze your current situation. No matter what you are going through, try and pin-point that which makes you smile, it can be your children, family, pets, significant other... just something of someone that you can truly say, it makes you happy. When you find this source of happiness, you should hold on to it.

Dont ever let go of something that feels right. Dont ever regret letting go of that which made you smile, because, yes, you might find another source of smiles and laughter but, will it satisfy you completely? Life is too short to second guess, and it can be such a waste of energy, to focus entirely on letting people out of your life, when you can use all that energy into letting that one happiness  in, and just live life full of satisfaction.

Maybe I am still too young and naive... thats what some would say... that Im not being real. But whats real anyway?! Nothing is real... not love, not friendship, not faith, not hope. Whats real for me its this... maybe after all the teachings, after all the training Ive gotten recently, apparently, loneliness is more real than the touch of someones skin against your body... because a body can be present, but if the mind and the heart are not there... its all empty, lonely.

I wish I didnt care.

Automatic Writting - Facebook note (Feb. 7, 2011)

WARNING: I do not take responsibility of the words spilled out in this note, for it is automatic writing and I rarely edit the information, aside from deeply personal facts that I want to hold for myself. Some names and dates have been changed to protect the identity of some individuals.

You have been warned...

Most of the time, we are surrounded by people. People in the streets, at work, at college, they are everywhere. So, why would I feel alone? I work at the mall, I see people everyday, different people and people Im used to... that doesnt mean Im complete! Dont get me wrong, I am happy... happier now than Ive been in years. After long suffering and crying, last year only got me down... and I really thought I would stay down. Loneliness creeps on me, like a magnet. And of course, I know that being alone actually prevents you from getting hurt... but sometimes I think Im good at that, getting hurt.

Of course right now Im not hurting anymore... which is great! But the feeling is there, this sharp tension in my heart, it's like a little voice telling me, that at some point, every bit of happiness that I have now its going to vanish!

Im aware that life is a rollercoaster of emotions and that everything changes... Im also aware that love is overrated and rarely real...

I think that we all deserve to live in content, and so I have decided that this was going to be the year of my happiness! I'm currently undergoing an emotional bootcamp. Training myself everyday, to be stronger, more powerful and independent. Shielding myself from any kind of weak feeling, and among them, love.

Love makes you weak, and lowers your defenses, like a virus. Eventually, I would like to be slapped out of this idea, because, I dream sometimes...

But, I look up and see myself floating in thin air, and I have to go and grab myself before I get lost...

"Snap out of it!" I yell to myself!

Back to bootcamp... be stronger, be better, be powerful, be in control, control, control! Every part of my day, I control it, my life is mine! I choose! I create! I decide!

I only love myself, because when you show just a bit of love for someone else, you show weakness! And then they know, they can get you, they can manipulate you, and eventually, you'll be back to the whole hurting phase!

Im not up for that again!

Im out there, most of you in here know me... Im the same Delly, but a better version of her. Im still kind and caring, but I also have my eyes opened and my mind focused. Im still a good friend and a nice girl, but Im careful about who I give my friendship to and Im as nice as you are nice to me. I have given myself to somebody 100%, showing no boundaries to what I can do or be for another person... now I can only give 50% of myself. Take it or leave it.

Of course, there is one thing that I have yet to work on... and it totally blows my cover! My feelings show... too easily. So Im working on that... I need to be harder to read... a book with no words. Just blank! I also have to stop worrying so much... I already know I cant have high expectations with people, so why worry? I just know for a fact that people wont treat me as good as I can treat them... it's a law of the universe, I understand it, and I embrace it. Am I being too negative here? Well, guess what? Thats another thing I need to work on!

Yes, my life is one constant contradiction!

I know, it might seem like Im complaining here, but Im not… Im simply putting my thoughts into words… Im not asking for help, not waiting for anyone to save me or to keep me company… or to give me advise. Although I’ve been given advise recently, and Im thankful, many new experiences have been presented to me in the last months, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, lifestyles… Ive done things, gone places… that I never thought I would. I have discovered a part of me that I never knew existed, and I like it. Im a mature woman, and Im not afraid of showing it, because aside from all the hard expressions Ive made up until these lines, I can honestly say I am happy with myself. Ive never felt as beautiful as I feel now, never felt more alive and passionate… I have many ideas I want to bring to life. Many projects, plans of traveling… doing new things, being creative. Before, I could not do this… I was held up, I lacked support… now, I feel that I can do anything I want, I have the support I needed.

So who knows whats gonna happen? Maybe this will be my year to shine…

Facebook note - May 6, 2011

Today is one of those days,

where uncertainty comes knocking at my door

like a ghost, coming into my room.

I can only dream to change, dream of better days to come,

but as of right now, I have no idea of where Im going.

Its like a race against time, time that hasn't been good to me at all.

Time is supposed to set things right, time is supposed to make you forget.

Time has forgotten about me.

I try to learn, to become a better person and to bring light into my days,

but when you feel so alone, it's really hard to make it happen.

When each day, each step feels like you are carrying bricks,

and with each passing second, more bricks are added.

If I could turn back and rethink, I would do things so much differently.

It's not regret, as my experiences have taught me so much,

but, I would change some of my decisions.

I can only say "I'm fine" for so long...

Like a lie I tell to myself every morning hoping it becomes real.

I know I have to worry less... I know that by worrying nothing gets fixed.

I understand, everything has a PURPOSE, everything happens FOR A REASON,

everything happens IN DUE TIME. But it would be nice, to know some of the reasons...

to know when, when will I be finally happy.

I'm not bitching and moaning, nor crying like a little girl...

But when life hits you so hard, so many times, with iron fists...

You cant help but wonder, when will I be happy?!

This doesnt mean Im going to stop fighting, because Im alone...

I have nobody to fight for me, nobody to fight alongside with me.

I have only myself to fight for myself...

On the brightside, I will only have myself to thank,

when things get better. God and myself... I'll be

self made... what a bittersweet thought. I guess it is better this way...

Alone.

No pain, no ties, no suffering...

But then again, I will be forever poisoned by this emptiness that kills me.

I was given a glimpse of what life could be, I could almost reach and touch it,

And as I did just that, it all fell apart.

Now, on to picking up the pieces...

"To the warriors of light, there is no such thing as impossible love.
They don’t allow themselves to be intimidated by silence, or by rejection.
They know that – behind the icy mask people wear – there is a heart of fire.
That is why the warriors risk more than others.
They tirelessly seek love – even if this means hearing, many times over, the word ‘no’, returning home defeated, feeling rejected in body and soul.
Warriors don’t allow themselves to be discouraged. Without love, live has no meaning."


-Paulo Coelho
 

Inspiration

This is my first blog. I decided to start this project because, I feel my life is at a crossroads. I will add some notes I've published on Facebook, photos, and it will be mainly in English, but some Spanish might get in there at some point. I hope you find inspiration, just like I did.